I don't know why people are so worried about an oil shortage. I only change my oil about once every four thousand miles. Gas is what they should be worried about. I use a lot of that.
I don't want to write about Lance Armstrong. But are we really nation of competitive zealot fuckers that we praise anything successful that we can put an American Flag next to? Are we that desperate? Don’t get me wrong, I have hated the French for a really long time. The hair pulling and crotch grabbing distress he has manifested within the French press is the coolest thing to occur in the francophone epicenter other than Napoleon doing a tiger woods fist pump (which he probably did) and Stereolab.
Seriously though, conquering cancer aside, can we admit his recent accomplishments are a bit rudimentary? I'm sure god gave him a "way to hit that bro" on the whole Sheryl crow episode. Sheryl is one of those rare cases where one might wank it to her photo spread only to later find his/her mother flipping through the same photo spread remarking, "i just love her". The situation is both horribly awkward and enticing…but about the cycling thing.
Bike riding is a task achieved by many of the nations 1st graders. I learned to ride when i was 10, but that was only because my previous house had sidewalk that was dangerously uneven at points--i think i was the only 5 year old to be knocked unconscious riding a big wheel. While i mastered this task much later than many of my peers once i learned it i kicked some fucking ass.
Lance also kicks fucking ass on the bike, but he's 33. If I spent from the time I was five until I was thirty three devoting myself to one elementary task i would be pretty good no matter how many testicles i had. His main competitor is an Italian (probably gay) and a German guy named Jan (obviously gay). Plus he I have not seen him throw any sweet tricks like back flips or supermans. One would think after 28 years of riding a wheelie would be in order.
The other thing i read on this subject was that Lance's heart rate was 40 beat per minute. The average human heart rate is 70 beats per minute. Since when did we start lauding laziness, especially bodily organs. In a race, my heart would kick Lance's heart by a lot, by pure mathematics it is almost twice as fast. I am the walrus.
this whole deal was half ass anyway,
dr. koala dick
ps. check your prostrate, right now, hard, ladies too.
2 comments:
How do you come up with this stuff? Which deity is conversing with you?
This is the best blog about rabbi's I have read in a while. Thanks for the tips.
Post a Comment