A moment of Introspection: vol. I

Dr. Koala Dick asks:

Which Messiah are you?

Answer all questions as honestly as possible, results below.

My favorite food is:

a) Duck
b) Cake
c) Rice
d) I don't eat, I have a gambling problem.

Its been a long day at work, you get home and your flatmates want to party, you:

a) Take a quick shot of tequila and rally
b) Tell them to go on without you, open a bottle of wine and turn on Lifetime
c) Tell them you're not feeling well then while they're out call my fuck buddy again and do it in the Kitchen (because its the most social room).
d) Use the vibrator, but tell my friends I'll catch them next time.

My pick to win English Premiership this year is:

a) Whatever team has the prettiest jerseys.
b) Chelsea, you have to respect financial security.
c) Liverpool, they are the classic example of the conflict between of underachieving and overachieving.
d) I'm a total cock and know nothing about football, but I think David Beckham is dreamy.

If I HAD to bang one of the Golden girls it would definitely be:

a) Dorothy
b) Rose
c) Blanche
d) Sophia

If you were in the circus you would be the:

a) Fire eater
b) Ringleader
c) The blades of grass, outside the tent; serene, complex, motivated.
D) The Clown

Israel is not relinquishing land it promised to Palestine in peace agreements; as president of the United States you:

a) Send and independent committee to conduct new negotiations
b) Magically build another country out of trash and give it to the Palestinians. I would probably call it Crapakistan.
c) Watch whatever is on CBS, there's no way to solve this shit.
d) Continue to Kick ass

If you had only one wish, you would:

a) Turn back time and bring the pants I'm wearing back in style
b) Be a ballerina
c) Have a mind blowing electronic orgy with every 70's sitcom star I've ever secretly desired
d) Teach me to talk about my compulsive eating

If you answered:
mostly a's) you are Prometheus. You gave man fire and paid for it by having your organs eaten by birds for eternity. Enjoy your medicines, your snuff porn, and your lasers.

mostly b's) you are Jesus. You are the cake eater of Messiahs. The hair style you champion goes in and out of style harder than Rollerblading. Your followers will kill and persecute thousands of people over the course of history. Then, in a stunning move, pretend thse events are not relevant while simultaneously making shitty movies about the whole ordeal.

mostly c's) you are Buddha. This quiz means nothing to and you're probably stoned right now anyway.

mostly d's) You are the Ralph Macchio. Yes Ralph Macchio is a messiah. Everybody knows that aside from his eloquent performance as the Karate Kid and mastery of the swan kick Ralph Macchio also bakes a delicious cobbler and consoles troubled teens on a bi-weekly basis. Ralph Macchio also invented tan lines and aluminum.