To: Stegosaurus

Dr. Koala Dick recently traded a comedy writing secret to a fellow colleague for the operating manual of a 1992 Volvo 940, and a to be named later Sponsorship of an African Orphan.

Dear Orphan,

I’ve decided to name you Stegosaurus. I hope you realize how cool that is. How are things in Africa? I hope they are better than here. Today I woke up to find out that I had received yet another parking ticket. Those parking control guys are total cocks. I left the ticket on my car out of spite, and because I didn’t want to get another one, but now it’s raining. If the ticket is wet, do you think I still have to pay it? I would be impolite for me to send them a document of that nature; they would probably have to wash their hands after handling it.

I went to the post office today and I feel like I’m developing a friendship with one of the workers. His name is Rick and he looks pretty disgruntled. For that exact reason I am always overly polite to the guy. It is most certainly a benefit to have a friend in the postal department. I know this because at one of my former residences, the postal worker did not like me because I stole his girlfriend. Even though I only ended up dating her for two weeks, my packages were lost and mishandled for over a year, I guess postal workers don’t get laid often.

I also applied online today for a job at a local bookstore. It was most heinous. What was supposed to be a simple online application evolved into 37 page personality test. They asked me questions about my anger management, my ability to be enthused and if I stab people in the back. In then end I think the computer decided that I; a) I’m kind of a jackass, b) think most other people are benders, and c) am able to fake enthusiasm well. Either way they probably want to hire me so hard.

Man or machine,

dr koala dick