Chili Pepper Beads:Jamie isn’t particularly fond of spicy foods, but the small chili peppers adorning this string of beads makes her smile. While she is not entirely sure why so many people enjoy the chili pepper as a decorative shape, (perhaps it is a phallic Freudian obsession) personally, the sight of chili peppers brings her back to her childhood. She recalls sitting in her Grandmother’s kitchen for hours listening to Grandmother bestow Grandmotherly wisdom upon her, while diligently preparing the delicious signature chili that Jamie’s Grandfather would obsess over. It also reminds her of how that creepy old guy (who kind of looked like grandpa) yelled, “hey hot stuff!” as he tossed this particular strand at her while she flashed her massive hooters in his general direction.
American Flag Beads:Ever since before 9/11 happened, Jamie has been Pro-America. Europe can keep their accents and silly history. Jamie loves pick up trucks, strip malls, and American Idol. In fact, she would zealously support any American Idol over an Idol from any other country, no matter how good a singer they were, or how much they looked like Heath Ledger. While Jamie doesn’t have any relatives in the military, she did let any man in a navel uniform, army jacket, or any sort of cammo really, grope her breast as they desired. Jamie assumes this is probably origin of this particular bead necklace. As she gazes into the red, white, blue, and waving American flag shaped beads she reflects on how strong, and patriotic each of those fingers felt at they delicately twisted and tugged her nipples on the dirty street corner.
Dolphin Beads:Jamie isn’t what her father refers to as a “liberal nut-job” but she understands the need to preserve the environment. She took a class about it in college she is pretty sure. She knows that people drive too many cars and build too many greenhouses and that every day this makes it harder for Dolphins to live. Soon we will only have dolphins in Seaworld. As she stares at the dolphin emblem on the bead, she can’t recall where she received this strand, but she finds herself relating to the dolphin; free, and wild, but soon to be permanently tamed. She recalls how she felt this exact sensation as she walked the four blocks down Bourbon Street from Canal to St. Louis Street completely topless letting her jumbo tits hang free, exposed, and wild for everyone to observe and enjoy, especially the homeless guy who she caught jerking off in the alley.
Super Bowl XXVI Commemorative Beads:Jamie has never been to the Super Bowl. In fact the only time she has ever been a professional Football game she got too drunk Tailgating and had to leave at Halftime. Stadium Security preferred that she vomit in the parking lot as opposed to anywhere inside the Stadium. As her now Ex-boyfriend held her hair and told her he didn’t mind missing the game to be with her, she knew she was in love. She confirmed it again when he confessed how much he loved her as she gave him fellatio in the back seat of his friend’s truck while they waited for the game to end. While the sight of these Super Bowl beads reminds her of the pain of the love she lost, it also reminds her of the beauty we can possess as a civilization, the love we can exchange, and the love she received from the thousands of men who touched, fondled, and gazed upon her big sloppy love bombs during Mardi Gras.
Burning with Culture
