the sun also gets dome

so earlier today i thought of an alternate ending to Hemingway's The Sun Also Rises. At the end, instead of sitting there in the back of a car with Brett Ashley in Spain or whatever, and instead of whoever raisind that baton or whatnot, instead at the end jake says 'check me out i've got a huge dong now thanks to the miracle of plastics and the talent of some european doctors. i can satisfy you in ways you haven't even thought of. the thing spins and vibrates, it's studded like a bumpy cucumber.' and it ends with brett moaning. literally, instead of 'isn't it pretty to think so?' the last line is 'and she moans heavily in a little bit of pain but obviously enjoying herself. the end.'
i think this would do a lot for the self-esteem of male readers, specifically those without penises. it gives a new hope to living without a penis, and updates the story in keeping with scientific advances made since Hemingway's time. in fact, having thought of this, i almost wish i had either a) been born without a wang, or b) had my previous wang blown off in a war. because that way i could get to have a fake one and it would probably be awesome. i would probably get my parents to pay for it, and they have a lot more money than i do, a.k.a. more than $600. Think of the kind of wang you could get for the cost of renting a studio apartment in a major city for a month. it's a wonder more people don't injure themselves on purpose and undergo a temporary homelessness in order to pay for a prosthetic wiener of epic proportions. you could probably get one with:
1. a car alarm with keyless remote that makes beeping noises
2. a built-in ipod (tell me that wouldn't be sweet)
3. a body fashioned after optimus prime, with the ability to transform into a badass rig
4. wireless ethernet
5. a headrest, and a tv in that headrest
6. a dvd player that plays only porn and mick jagger concert footage (jagger doing the rooster dance)
7. a micro machines garage
8. a stock ticker
9. a fold-out map so you can find your way to linens and things to buy new sheets every few hours
10. something that makes it turn into a pogo stick