an open letter to richael mobbins

you just shut the hell up. seriously. that's what you do. the next time you're faced with an opportunity to talk some bullshit about whatever the hell it is you're ever talking about, you just shut the hell up. know what? you know what? i don't care if you wear a kilt. Mel Gibson, aka THE BRAVEHEART, told me that everybody in Scotland thinks you're a piece of shit. everybody! even the president of Scotland heard about that night at the Glasgow Zoo with the chimpanzee, and he text messaged, like, everybody.

China hates you. there are over one thousand three hundred million people in China. do you have any idea what it takes to get 1.3 billion people to agree on anything? well, apparently all it takes is two little words long: your bullshit.

Mel Gibson, aka THE BRAVEHEART, creator of The Passion of The Christ, let me in on a little secret. You see, apparently it was your fault that our lord and savior died, robbins, and not the fault of those pernicious jews as Mel had kind of led us to believe. jesus wasn't even really crucified. did you know that? jesus heard about the thing with the chimpanzee and he gave up on humanity and put a shotgun in his mouth and pulled the trigger. are you beginning to understand the consequences of your bullshit? because of you, maybe the greatest black man ever to be painted white and appropriated by assholes killed himself, and the guys in charge had to come up with this whole cruciFICTION just so more people wouldn't find out about the night with the chimp and go kill themselves. that means you're also pretty much responsible for the crusades.

seriously, richael. chimp fucking is one thing, but getting fucked BY the chimp? and liking it? and videotaping it? and sending out copies of the tape as christmas cards when the act portrayed on said christmas card tapes DIRECTLY CAUSED THE DEATH OF CHRIST?

you just shut the hell up. that's what you do.