FRANCE:
France was founded by group of Canadian explorers in 1858. In 1856 the Canadian Government created the expeditionary group to scout an area of land in the
Old World where they could send the "Sovereign Nation of ye olde Crazy Redmen
". The group set out in early 1857, but three months into the journey decided it best to attend the first annual MTV spring break in
Daytona Beach Florida. The Tangential journey delayed the group seven months but the members of the expeditionary reached a general consensus that "No Doubt" rocked.
France's inviting and majestic Norman coast, the explorers lived like crazed vagabonds commonly engaging in cannibalism, bestiality and the grotesque card game UNO. This continued for nearly a year as the explorers wandered westward. However, on the fourteenth of July, the eight remaining members of the Canadian expeditionary stumbled upon a cabin along the banks of what is now the Seine river. This cabin turned out to be no ordinary Cabin and in fact was an infrequently attended reasonably priced gypsy whorehouse. Finding this a most excellent place to lounge about and be sassy the explorers set up permanent residences alongside the Cabin and thus began settlement of the city of Paris.
Looking at Modern day France it is hard to believe it is the same place settled by eight lazy horny Canadians. Today the borders of France stretch like a veteran whore to contain over 540,000 square kilometers (which is about twenty miles). Inside those borders France is populated by over 60 million people who all speak a language that requires a tone one would only use with small dogs and infants. The population enjoys a delicate cuisine as the average Frenchmen often dines on elegant French cheeses, really long crunchy bread, and his own hollow and meaningless threats--which all taste delicious when washed down by a daily glass of exquisite French wine.
It's also no secret that France's favorite pastime is rioting. This hearty tradition started in 1904, when common Frenchers became upset with the Canadian Monarchy instilled as their government. As protest the Frenchers played several rousing games of tennis before rounding up all the douche bags they could find and cutting their heads off. The very first of these fun games of cat and mouse and pitchfork and reign of terror lasted a record 10 years; a record contemporary Frenchmen have been trying to break ever since.
In 1939, France invaded Poland under the command of Charles De Gaulle and Napoleon Dynamite. Germany attempted to continue its policy of "appeasement" towards the French; however, this tactic succeeded only in inhibiting the preparation of the lazy German army. In 1941, the lazy Germans were overcome and the French marched on Berlin led by Jerry Lewis and a monkey named Chuckles. While France's actions incited a world war their efforts were soon thwarted when they attempted a LAND WAR IN ASIA and found Russia cold and surprisingly absent of Mail Order Brides . On April 30, 1945, while being bombarded by allied planes Charles De Gaulle, his wife Evita Peron, Napoleon Dynamite, and Chuckles all committed suicide by taking cyanide caplets and then slipping on banana peels, knocking themselves unconscious. Those who witnessed the event remarked that it was quite hilarious.
More recently an influx of immigrants has been the force altering the social landscape of France. While the countryside continues to represent traditional France with its rampant bestiality and exploitation placing drunk tourist on bicycles, the urban environment is filled with a new social class determined to take French rioting to new heights. Furthermore, French politicians are attempting to aid this lofty goal by pissing off everyone they possibly can. The current administration have offered economic recessions, steadfast commitment to hidebound policies and a Pro-monkey agenda to incite rioters. So far their efforts have been heartily rewarded.
France also continues its dedication to the arts. France recently announced plans to allow David Blaine to perform his upcoming illusion underneath the Eiffel Tower. In this illusion, as a tribute to France's global contributions, Blaine, using two male assistants will make their genitals disappear while frozen in ice for Forty days. During these forty days he will only be fed emulsified Tabloid newspapers through a tube while his two assistants alternately will sassily declare attributes describing grapes, cheeses, and proper protocol for surrendering. France cannot wait.
Also, French girls are easy,
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It's also no secret that 
In 1939, 
